GREAT LATE-NIGHT JOKES ON THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION

We all need some laughs. Courtesy of Newsmax.com, a roundup of last night's best jokes on the convention:

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Tonight was the start of the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, where today the temperature was over 100 degrees. As if Hillary Clinton needed another reason to sweat. She went through two pantsuits.
In fact, it was so hot Hillary met with some Bernie supporters just for the chilly reception.
We may be seeing more Trumps in politics. In fact, Donald Trump's son, Donald Jr., told CNN he hasn't ruled out running for mayor of New York next year. When she heard that, Hillary Clinton turned to Chelsea and said, "Clear your schedule."

Conan

According to a poll, 90 percent of Bernie Sanders supporters plan to vote for Hillary Clinton in November. The other 10 percent plan to put their hand down the sink and then turn on the disposal.
Earlier tonight, Bernie Sanders spoke at the Democratic National Convention. Sanders' speech was interrupted by dozens of applause breaks and three pee breaks.
Hillary Clinton’s main task this week is to divert attention from leaked DNC emails and other negative press. Hillary’s going to begin her speech with the rousing first line — "Hey, Look, There’s a Pokémon!"
The manager of English soccer team Manchester United has banned his players frm playing Pokémon Go. The Manchester United manager said, "I want my players thinking about soccer, not some fun game where interesting things happen."
The Australian Olympic team is refusing to check into the Olympic Village saying it is "uninhabitable." Then after checking into a Day’s Inn, the team said, "Never mind."

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

The theme for the Democrats today at the Democratic Convention is “United Together.” Which really is the best way to be united. So much better than being united apart.
After the Republican Convention last week, the DNC was supposed to be the boring one. It was quite the opposite. Every time Hillary Clinton's name was mentioned there were boos from Bernie Sanders fans. Even Bernie had to ask his supporters to calm down. After a year of telling them not to calm down. It's like Chef Boyardee telling people to take it easy on the ravioli.

Late Night With Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton introduced her new running mate Senator Tim Kaine at an event in Miami this weekend. She found Kaine while searching a stock photo database for “white businessman.”
First Lady Michelle Obama spoke tonight on the first day of the Deocratic National Convention, while Melania Trump furiously took notes.
President Obama appeared on Face the Nation this weekend and said of Hillary Clinton, "She's not always flashy, and there are better speechmakers, but she knows her stuff.” Man, I’d hate to see Obama set somebody up on a blind date. “She’s got one wonky eye and she talks too much, but you don’t wanna die alone, do ya?”
Donald Trump will be holding a Q and A session on the online message board Reddit during the Democratic Convention this week — though Trump’s Q and A will be unique in that he will both ask and answer the questions. “Am I the most handsome candidate in history? Interesting question, thanks for asking. I will say, a lot of people think so.”

Star Of The Day: Tim Meadows

STAR OF THE DAY: TIM MEADOWS

(From 11/30/2012 "GRAND THEFT AUDIO" Episode) 

LINK TO GREAT INTERVIEW: Bit.ly/2adGEUG

This was one of the most remarkable podcasts Titans has ever done. Co-founder/still-head Titan Carl Kozlowski had somehow "Friended" Tim Meadows - his favorite "SNL" star ever - on Facebook, then one night he posted something outrageously anti-Obama, to which Tim Meadows responded "HOW are you my friend?" 
That set off a two-hour thread exchange in the middle of the night, in which Meadows and Koz engaged in a highly unusual, personal and impassioned political exchange which is the hallmark of how America should work - people with different viewpoints coming together in dialogue to learn from each other. 
By the end of the exchange, Meadows had changed Koz's perspective on the issue at hand and agreed to come on "GTA" to talk about the debate they'd had and discuss how America can come together rather than be divided. 
It was amazing, heartfelt and still funny. Tim Meadows is a world-class guy, and this offers real insights into his deep heart and deeper mind.
And amid this contentious election year, this is a great episode to show that people of vastly different viewpoints can come together and talk things out and learn something from each other (well, i learned a lot more from Tim than he did from me, but...) 
AND HERE'S A LINK TO A SECOND INTERVIEW WITH TIM, ON "GROWN-ASS MEN" in 2014: Bit.ly/2aq9uC1

THAT TIME I HAD A MUSICAL SHOWDOWN AGAINST A FANATICAL CHRISTIAN WHILE WE WERE IN REHAB.... 

“It sounds like death in here.”

Those words came out of the mouth of the man I was about to have to share a room with for the night, one bed over in a rehab center that I had just been ambulanced over to and wheeled in on a gurney at 11 o’clock on  a Friday night last July. This wasn’t a drug rehab facility, but actually an assisted-living center where old folks were sent to live one step ahead of an outright nursing home.

I was only 43, about half the age of most of the people whose snores, moans and untethered utterances I heard in the rooms around me as I was rolled down the hallway, slightly disoriented with the need to sleep yet adrenalized with fear about what was happening in my life. I wasn’t here because I was ready to die decades ahead of a normal life span, nor because of an addiction.

Rather, I had been battling a recurring infection in my right leg for over a decade, and the infections seemed to be getting worse instead of better. I used to pass in and out of hospital rooms in three to five days, but this was the first time I was being told I had to stay not just for the five days a hospital would allow, but another full week beyond in a halfway-house situation so I could continue to receive IV antibiotics.

My life was about to be put on hold for a full extra week, my world reduced to one of two beds in a room whose only view was the smoking patio outside and  one story below. It was the heart of summer, a time when I should be joining other people my age cruising with the top down on my car or catching rays on the beach.

Instead, I may as well have been placed in a federal witness relocation program. No one would think to come see me here unless I reached out and asked them, and even then only my closest friends could bear to make the trip to see their buddy reduced to these conditions. I was a living, literal harbinger of the future, of a time when they too would be helplessly dependent on the care of others – the Ghost of the Future to come.

Besides, they had been coming to see me in more than 30 hospital stays over the past decade, during which time I probably racked up enough medical bills to be classified as a real-life Six Million Dollar Man. Or at least a Million-Dollar Man.  

But before I could wallow too much in self-pity, I had to contend with the guy my nurses termed my “roommate.” I hadn’t had a roommate in years by choice, but here there were no choices. I had no say in where I was sent, nor any right to ask for a private room.  And so I found myself trapped in a rather small space with a raging Christian fundamentalist.

“This is what death is going to be like, bro! Get used to it! Prepare!”

All I could think was that the guy could tell me how the food was here, or who the hot nurses were so I could request specific persons in case I needed a sponge bath. But instead, I had Ricky – a tensely wired Latino man in his early 50s who had been receiving physical therapy there for three weeks after leg surgery – telling me how the place reminded him of Dante’s Inferno.

“OK, I hear ya, Ricky. I’m gonna go to sleep now. It’s been a long night,” I mumbled, dragging my words out into the slur of fading mental capacity as I felt my brain slipping softly into the warm cocoon of sleep.

Within moments, I unleashed my first snore of the evening. I was capable of making noises that would terrify bears and wake the neighbors. In fact, I was so bad at snoring that when I was in college, my RA called in an HVAC repair team to check whether a dog had somehow gotten trapped in the air conditioning ducts of my dorm building because my rumbling roars were passing through the duct system and terrifying everybody on my floor. 

And now I was pissing off Ricky.

“JESUS!”  

I sprang awake, thinking he was having cardiac arrest and was off to meet his maker.

“Are you OK, Ricky?” I asked.

“NO!”

“What’s the problem?”

“Your snoring! How is that POSSIBLE?! How are you not dead by now?!”

“It’s just snoring, Ricky.”

“I want to kill you already. You must be divorced.”

“No, never been married.”

“I’m not surprised! At all!”

By now, nurses were showing up to see what our argument was about. They decided to get me a CPAP machine – good for Ricky, not for me. When you have a hospital strap one on your head, it’d nearly impossible to come off, even after the rush of air dries your mouth out over hours until you can’t even speak or scream for help if needed.

But three hours later, I did need to do just that. I sprang awake with my mouth completely dried out, hit the call button for a nurse but no one came.  I finally managed to wrestle the mask off my face and unleashed a horrendous gagging sound that was even worse than the snore that had pissed off Ricky before.

“JESUS!” he shrieked again.

“Fuck you!” I snapped back.

“Why are you swearing at me?” Ricky asked, sounding genuinely stricken.

“Why are you screaming out ‘Jesus’?!”

“I’m PRAYING! Praying that the noises will stop!”

With all the commotion between us, the nurse suddenly couldn’t make it in fast enough.

“Do you want to be sent home?”

“Yes!” I said.

“You can’t,” the nurse replied.

“Then don’t ask me!”

“I was talking to Ricky.”

“How come he gets the option?”

“His treatment ended last night.”

“Then why are you here?!” I asked him.

“The breakfasts are good!”

“Are you insane?!” I asked him. “You’re sticking around because you WANT to have hospital food?!”

“This ain’t no normal hospital food. You’ll see. You’ll never wanna leave either. But fine. Just let me stay til breakfast and I’ll go home right after,” he pleaded.

And so I had a drink of water, had my mask adjusted, and we all drifted back to sleep. Or at least until I was awakened at 6 a.m. by Ricky talking to Jesus again. This time, he was singing “Amazing Grace.” At 6 a.m.

Now it was my turn to call upon the Lord.

“Jesus! Do you have to do that now?”

“I can worship anytime I want.”

“Can you do that in another room?”

“Sure, I can do that.”  So Ricky got up, and went in another room: our bathroom. Which was on my side of the room. As he shut the door, I could hear him look up to heaven – or at least the fluorescent lamp I the ceiling – with a beatific smile on his face and his hands held up with the “Raise the roof, I’m touching Jesus!”  hand gesture.  And now I could hear him singing again, his voice made even louder by the echo of the bathroom tiles.

I decided there was only one thing to do, since I obviously wasn’t going to be allowed to sleep in peace until he left in a couple hours, after devouring his Miracle Breakfast. So I reached for my IPad, found a CD by the Flying Burrito Brothers and turned it up all the way. As its twanging roots-rock guitars started to play, Ricky burst out of the bathroom, sputtering with outrage.

“What iS that?!”

“The Flying Burrito Brothers. They’re like country rock.”

“Country AND rock?! You’ve got both kinds of the devil’s music!”

“Bingo!” I thought, realizing I’d gotten under his skin even more than I realized. I started to sing along to the CD as Ricky disappeared behind his curtain.

I thought he had given up, but 30 seconds later, he leaped out from behind the curtain into a wrestling crouch on my side of the room. He was shirtless and wielding a harmonica. Just as I was about to ask him what he was going to do with that, he grinned maniacally and started to play “Amazing Grace” on it.

It was enough for me to wish he’d just start singing again. Apparently, the rest of our neighbors in the hall felt the same way, as a series of 80 and 90 year olds started crying out, “What’s that noise?!” “Make it stop!” and “Not again!”

As he saw me wince under the strain of his musical torture, he stopped, grinned and asked, “Have you found Jesus?!”

At that moment, I realized I had.  I had actually packed a Bible in my bag when I went to the hospital the week before, figuring I needed all the spiritual ammo possible as I faced another my third hospital stay that year. I hadn’t actually read it, because I’m Catholic and we’re notorious for not actually reading the Bible. But all Ricky needed to know was that I had it.

“HA! Where’s yours?” I cackled, taking a wild gamble that he might not have one with him.

Ricky was horrified.

“It’s at home!”

“What kind of Christian ARE you, Ricky?! No Bible in a hospital?!”

“I was in a hurry! Don’t judge me!”

“Really, Ricky?”

“I’m sorry, Ricky. I’m trying to read my Bible now. Could I have some peace? “

Ricky gathered his things as quickly as possible and fled.

“Fine , I’ll eat in the hall!”

“Thank you, JESUS!” I replied. And I actually meant it. 

THIS ONE GOES WITH THE TIG BLOG POST TOO... THE MAN WHO TURNED ME ON TO THE IMPORTANCE OF TIG NOTARO, WHO'S NOW ONE OF MY GREAT INSPIRATIONS: BARRY KATZ

PODCAST EPISODE LINK TO BARRY KATZ ON "KOZVERSATIONS": bit.ly/2aESHsu


Check out the other blog post about Tig Notaro for the story behind this podcast episode of "Kozversations." Barry has managed some of the biggest and best in the comedy business, and has proven repeatedly already to be a man who's generous with his time and of great character even as I am working towards the hope of being a client. His podcast "Industry Standard" has great, lengthy interviews with comedy legends and masters, and in this "Kozversation" I turned the tables on him for an interview before he turned the tables on me for the profound life lesson you can read about in the post on Tig.

But check this podcast with Barry out: Its' packed with great stories and advice for anyone wanting a career in comedy..

STAR OF THE DAY: TIG NOTARO

http://www.spreaker.com/user/6733116/tig-notaro

We've had hundreds of stars on Radio Titans (www.radiotitans.com), my podcast network - enough that we were named one of the 50 best talk outlets in the country by www.talkers.com, the talk industry's leading news site! 

Tig Notaro was one of our greatest "gets" ever, thanks to a fantastic woman comic in LA named Merrill Davis who hosted a show called  "Good Talk" with us in our first year back in 2012-2013, in Hollywood. Tig has really blown up even bigger since then, with a terrific HBO special and a stirring and funny new memoir called "I'm Just a Person" which i couldn't recommend more highly. 

She's an inspiration to me because of something that comedy mega-manager Barry Katz (who's handled the careers of Louis CK, Dave Chappelle, Dane Cook, Jay Mohr and many more) said to me when I interviewed him for my "Kozversations" podcast back in December - go find it, it's a great one!

Barry asked me what was holding me back as a comic and writer, since I had points in my comedy career where I'd been a literally paid regular comic at the Laugh Factory here and Zanies in Chicago, and worked with tons of great comics like Chappelle, Lewis Black and Mitch Hedberg. And I told him about my numerous health problems over the past 15 years (which i'm overcoming now to intense workouts and nutrition regimen), and that i had a severe sleep disorder and a chronic leg infection holding me back. 

Barry asked me "Do you have cancer?" And i said "No! Why?" And he told me the story of Tig. How she had been diagnosed with serious breast cancer, was dumped by her longtime girlfriend soon after, how her mother had just died around that time too, and how she went onstage at Largo in LA with all that soul-crushing madness weighing on her .... And proceeded to share it with one of the greatest, most humane sets of comedy and storytelling anyone has ever heard. You can find that recording for sale and you should track it down and buy it, at www.tignotaro.com. 

And Louis CK, who had been on that night right before her, had happened to leave his recorder running and taped her set. And put it on sale with his highest recommendation and raised the money she needed to pay her medical bills. 

And Tig beat cancer. Found a fabulous wife. And that weekend, was debuting a new HBO special. 

"So what's your excuse?" Barry asked me, point blank. 

Suddenly my sleep disorder and my leg didn't seem like anything in comparison. And that weekend, i shot the first day of a sitcom pilot I wrote and star in, and had Stephen Tobolowsky, Ian Edwards, Alonzo Bodden, veteran comedy actor Bill Chott and Chris Walsh of the Walsh Brothers in it. And lots of other things are brewing now too, which i'll bore you with in other posts. 

The point is, "What's your excuse?" 

There shouldn't be any. 

Tig Notaro has taught us that in spades. 

A FEW THOUGHTS ON "WEIRD AL" YANKOVIC AND TERROR

Watching the Weird Al Yankovic concert friday night at the HOllywood Bowl, it crossed my mind that THAT would be a really awkward place for a terrorist attack. Can you imagine the president or Wolf Blitzer having to describe how machine gun fire erupted during "Dare to Be Stupid?" 
I can just hear Obama's measured tones now: 

"But sadly, the worst moment came as they released sarin gas during 'Smells Like Nirvana.' The carnage spread when a series of rocket-propelled grenades were fired into the crowd while 18000 innocent Americans were singing along to 'Amish Paradise.'"

Anyone wanna take bets or make predictions on what the next psycho Muslim radical in Europe is gonna do to kill people? They've already plowed a truck through people, hacked a pregnant woman with a machete, tricked kids into thinking they were getting free McDonalds and swung an ax at people on a train.

Hollywood needs fresh ideas for the next round of violent blockbusters! Let's hear 'em!

All these psycho Muslim radicals killing people with axes, machetes and trucks are almost more annoying for giving pro-gun people a reason to say "You see?! Take away the guns and they'll still find a damn machete!" than they are for actually killing people.

You know things are going badly when the American and California state flags are at half mast ALL THE TIME now, and you don't even know which mass shooting that's about.

ONE INTERESTING SIGN OF THE FEMALE GHOSTBUSTERS' SUCCESS...

I never understood all the hate directed towards the idea of women being Ghostbusters in the new reboot. I'd frankly be more offended if Dan Aykroyd was in it with some random guys like John Goodman, the way he ruined Blues Brothers 2000. So, while the movie starts out funny and peters out too much into special effects blowouts towards the end, I'm still glad to see that the movie opened pretty well, kids are digging it and in a sign of real progress, the toys now are doing well. I hope that this opens the door to more funny women getting to hold their own against the guys in comedy. 

Funny is funny. We all win when the pool of people who deliver laughs expands. 

Mattel Reports Strong ‘Ghostbusters’ Sales Amid Disappointing Q2 Results | Los Angeles Business Journal

Mattel Inc. is ready to believe in the new “Ghostbusters.” On Friday, the El Segundo-based toymaker reported…

LABUSINESSJOURNAL.COM

3 By Design: A great Kozversation with an amazing rock band on the rise

It's always fun to have a rock band actually show up at Radio Titans studios, and yesterday I had the pleasure of meeting the hard-hitting wonders 3 By Design - or at least their guitarist, Kevin Hicklin, and bassist Frank Mulli - when they dropped in. Smart, funny, enthusiastic guys with an impressive drive and determination, they also shared some other interesting aspects of their lives including how Korn guitarist Brian "Head" Welch inspired Kevin's life, and Frank's passion for pop music by the likes of Michael McDonald (of the Doobie Brothers) and Hall and Oates. If you love great hard rock, you'll dig these guys, but hear them speak about all sorts of fun random stuff and you'll love them even more!

Here's the link to their interview: bit.ly/2amiJEq

MY NIGHT WITH JAY LENO
The night I got to hang with a hero and then blew it




I've been blessed to be both a comic and an entertainment reporter for a long time now, and my favorite moments are when those two worlds intersect. And the greatest moment they came together so far had to be the night I got to hang out with Jay Leno.

Jay was the first comics i truly was amazed by, back when he appeared on the original NBC David Letterman show throughout the '80s to express his latest beef with the world. He had bite, and was edgy then, like an early version of Lewis Black. He became the safe, softer guy once he took over "The Tonight Show" in 1992.

But it was in 2008 that i got my chance to hang out with him. I needed a couple quotes from him for a story, and I'd been longtime friends with Jay's best friend, the brilliant comic and writer Jimmy Brogan. Brogan told me he could get me a brief interview with Jay at one of his Sunday night shows at the Comedy and Magic Club in the LA suburb of Hermosa Beach. Jimmy said he'd pick me up and take me there.

Imagine my shock when, instead of Jimmy showing up, a giant gold 1950s era car with fins pulled up a half block away from my pickup location and revved its engine loudly. At first, i ignored it. Then, i thought, "OK, i'm impressed. You have a small penis." Then, finally, on the third loud rumble, i turned and waved my arms like "WHAT?!"

And that's when none other than Jay Leno leaned out the driver's side window and yelled, "Kozlowski! Get your ass in here!"

I felt like the wind was knocked out of me, disoriented, my head literally turning in all directions to see if there were hidden camera capturing this as a prank for Jay or possibly for "Punk'd." I staggered towards the car, wondering where Jimmy was, opened the door and... Heard giggling from the back. I looked over the seat and there was Jimmy - a grown man in his 50s- curled up on the floor, laughing his ass off while hiding from me.

I got in and Jay quickly laid out the rules for the night.

"If you're here as a comic, we can talk about anything, as long as it's off the record except what you need for your story. Or if you're here as a reporter, we won't talk about much at all."

The comment seemed innocuous, but it was clear this was a night for comic brotherhood.

"Um, i'm here as a comic!" I replied, stunned and excited at what was about to unfold.

As we cruised down the freeway with the sun going down in a spectacular display, Jay told me his thoughts on Hillary and Bill Clinton, and on Barack Obama. Suffice to say, he's a Republican and has not been shy about it - he introduced both Arnold Schwarzenegger's campaign for governor and again on the night he won.

I asked him how he handles interviews with stars he doesn't respect, which is probably a fair amount of them after then 16 years as a host. Or a bad movie. He told me that Johnny Carson taught both him and Letterman to ask things like, "So, how'd you decide to do this movie?" if it was a stinker. It sounded pleasant enough for audiences without being an endorsement of it, while gently scolding the stars under the surface with that question REALLY meaning "What were you thinking?!"

The rest of that first drive has faded from memory, but we got to the club, had an amazing evening chowing down on fantastic food in the stars' green room, with other star comics filing in and out to pay homage to Jay. He killed at his show, back to his feisty 1980s style as he did a 90 minute show and then went through index card jokes to test material for the coming week's monologue..

Then came the ride after. That's when things got crazy.

We were heading back to his place in Beverly Hills when Jay saw a McDonalds. He instantly asked "Who wants ice cream?!" When Jimmy - thin as a rail - didn't answer, i nervously kept my mouth shut. Reporters weren't supposed to get free things from interview subjects, even ice cream. AND i didn't want to draw more attention to the fact i was fat as hell.

But Jay asked again: "Who wants ice cream?!" and then looked over at me and said "I know YOU want some!" And then he poked me in my belly and somehow that was ticklish and i laughed, with a snort.

This set Jay off.

"Are you ticklish?! Hey, Jimmy, he's ticklish! Look at this!" And as we waited to pull into the drive through line, Jay Leno proceeded to tickle me as i laughed uncontrollably, turning purple with deep embarrassment. The more desperate i became, the more he had to keep tickling.

Then, Jay took a break from the tickling and tried to completely cut in line on the drive through. He was coming in from a side lane and breaking ahead of about a dozen cars, which started honking or yelling out "Hey, asshole!"

Well, they did that until they saw Jay stick his head out the window and say "Sorry!" Then, as with all celebrities, the transgression was forgiven.

So we pull up to the checkout window and Jay says "Who wants chocolate dipped?" I was resolute in my silence, and tried to cover my belly instinctively to prevent further assault, but as the checkout lady took Jay's money, he managed to attack me anyway.

"Watch this!" And then he started tickling me again, as the girl stared, and Jimmy left me to suffer on my own, simply laughing in the back seat. I thought i was going to black out before Jay finally laid off me.

But i had my chocolate dipped cone, and so did he. We pulled away and kept heading to his place as we ate them.

About an hour later, we pulled into his driveway. A lone light was on in the house, Jay said it was his wife Mavis inside. Then we went into his garage, and he had some sort of legendary car inside, sorry i forget which. He and Jimmy admired and discussed it while i looked around at an array of memorabilia and photos from his career and travels.

Jay asked me where i was from. I told him Little Rock, Arkansas, and that when i was 16 he came to town and i went to see him and laughed so hard i was literally sore for two days from doubling over laughing. He then said "You know, the city gave me a sign as a gift when i was there."

I remembered a newspaper photo of him holding that sign. I freaked out.

"LENO ROCK! Yes, that was amazing!" I exclaimed.

Then Jay walked over to a corner of the garage, rooted around and pulled that very sign out of a pile of stuff. He held it up and then handed it to me.

I stared at it with awe, a wash of memories from the past 20 years or more of my life flooding my mind. As Jay stood and smiled, i finally asked him a question that i now regret.

"Can i have this?!"

Jay looked instantly flummoxed.

"NO, you can't have that!"

He grabbed it back, put it away in the corner and then told me it was time for me to go.

I knew i had blown an opportunity to be on his good side for life. I had laughed, told good stories, let myself be tickled even.

But now it was all for naught. As i walked back to Jimmy's car, which had been parked in Jay's driveway, Jimmy said "Not the best thing to ask."

Roger that.

BEEF OF THE DAY: 
Dutch politician Geert Wilders offers a stark warning about the Islamicization of Europe - could it happen here? 

i don't care at all what anyone thinks against me for posting this.This is an important part of a vital debate. Of course there are tons of Muslims doing nothing wrong, but especially in Europe, it's a lot less innocent than it appears here. I believe everyone should read this as part of the debate, and that if this is all true, we need to wake up and stop it there and especially here in the US.

THE STORY: 

Geert Wilders is a Dutch Member of Parliament . In a generation or two, the US will ask itself: "Who lost Europe?"

Here is a speech by Wilders, Chairman, Party for Freedom, the Netherlands, at the Four Seasons, New York, introducing an “Alliance of Patriots” and announcing the “Facing Jihad” Conference in Jerusalem.

The Lights are Going Out All Over Europe

Dear Friends,
Thank you very much for inviting me. I come to America with a mission. All is not well in the old world. There
is a tremendous danger looming, and it is very difficult to be
optimistic. We might be in the final stages of the Islamization of Europe. This not only is a clear and present danger to the future of Europe itself, it is a threat to America and the sheer survival of the West. The United States as the last bastion of Western civilization, facing an Islamic Europe.

First I will describe the situation on the ground in Europe. Then, I will say a few things about Islam. To close I will tell you about a meeting in Jerusalem. The Europe you know is changing.

You have probably seen the landmarks. But in all of these cities, sometimes a few blocks away from your tourist destination, there is another world. It is the world of the parallel society created by Muslim
mass-migration.

All throughout Europe a new reality is rising: entire Muslim
neighborhoods where very few indigenous people reside or are even seen. And if they are, they might regret it. This goes for the police as well. It's the world of head scarves, where women walk around in figureless tents, with baby strollers and a group of children. Their husbands, or slaveholders if you prefer, walk three steps ahead. With mosques on many
street corners.

The shops have signs you and I cannot read. You will be hard-pressed to find any economic activity. These are Muslim ghettos controlled by religious fanatics. These are Muslim neighborhoods, and they are mushrooming in every city across Europe. These are the building-blocks for territorial control of increasingly larger portions of Europe, street by street, neighborhood by neighborhood, city by city. There are now thousands of mosques throughout Europe With larger congregations than there are in churches. And in every European city there are plans to build super-mosques that will dwarf every church in the region. Clearly, the signal is: we rule.

Many European cities are already one-quarter Muslim: just take Amsterdam, Marseilles and Malmo in Sweden. In many cities the majority of the under-18 population is Muslim. Paris is now surrounded by a ring of Muslim neighborhoods. Mohammad is the most popular name
among boys in many cities.

In some elementary schools in Amsterdam the farm can no longer be mentioned, because that would also mean mentioning the pig, and that would be an insult to Muslims.

Many state schools in Belgium and Denmark only serve halal food to all pupils. In once-tolerant Amsterdam gays are beaten up almost exclusively by Muslims. Non-Muslim women routinely hear 'whore, whore'. Satellite dishes
are not pointed to local TV stations, but to stations in the country of origin.

In France school teachers are advised to avoid authors deemed offensive to Muslims, including Voltaire and Diderot; the same is increasingly true of Darwin. The history of the Holocaust can no longer be taught because of Muslim sensitivity.

In England sharia courts are now officially part of the British legal system. Many neighborhoods in France are no-go areas for women without head scarves. Last week a man almost died after being beaten up by Muslims in Brussels, because he was drinking during the Ramadan.

Jews are fleeing France in record numbers, on the run for the worst wave of anti-Semitism since World War II. French is now commonly spoken on the streets of Tel Aviv and Netanya, Israel. I could go on forever with stories like this. Stories about Islamization.

A total of fifty-four million Muslims now live in Europe. San Diego University recently calculated that a staggering 25 percent of the population in Europe will be Muslim just 12 years from now. Bernhardt Lewis has predicted a Muslim majority by the end of this century.

Now these are just numbers. And the numbers would not be threatening if the Muslim-immigrants had a strong desire to assimilate. But there are few signs of that. The Pew Research Center reported that half of French Muslims see their loyalty to Islam as greater than their loyalty to France. One-third of French Muslims do not object to suicide
attacks. The British Centre for Social Cohesion reported that
one-third of British Muslim students are in favor of a worldwide caliphate. Muslims demand what they call 'respect'. And this is how we give them respect. We have Muslim official state holidays. The Christian-Democratic attorney general is willing to accept sharia in the Netherlands if there is a Muslim majority.

We have cabinet members with passports from Morocco and Turkey. Muslim demands are supported by unlawful behavior, ranging from petty crimes and random violence, for example against ambulance workers and bus drivers, to
small-scale riots. Paris has seen its uprising in the low-income suburbs, the banlieus. I call the perpetrators settler's. Because that is what they are. They do not come to integrate into our societies; they come to integrate our society into their Dar-al-Islam. Therefore, they are settlers.
Much of this street violence I mentioned is directed exclusively against non-Muslims, forcing many native people to leave their neighborhoods, their cities, their countries. Moreover, Muslims are now a swing vote not to be ignored.

The second thing you need to know is the importance of Mohammed the prophet. His behavior is an example to all Muslims and cannot be criticized. Now, if Mohammed had been a man of peace, let us say like Gandhi and Mother Theresa wrapped in one, there would be no problem.
But Mohammed was a warlord, a mass murderer, a pedophile, and had several marriages - at the same time. Islamic tradition tells us how he fought in battles, how he had his enemies murdered and even had prisoners of war executed. Mohammad himself slaughtered the Jewish tribe
of Banu Qurayza. If it is good for Islam, it is good. If it is bad
for Islam, it is bad.

Let no one fool you about Islam being a religion. Sure, it has a god, and a here-after, and 72 virgins. But in its essence Islam is a political ideology. It is a system that lays down detailed rules for society and the life of every person. Islam wants to dictate every aspect of life. Islam means 'submission'. Islam is not compatible with freedom and democracy, because what it strives for is Sharia. If you want to compare Islam to anything, compare it to communism or national-socialism, these are all totalitarian ideologies.

Now you know why Winston Churchill called Islam 'the most retrograde force in the world', and why he compared Mein Kampf to the Quran. The public has wholeheartedly accepted the Palestinian narrative, and sees Israel as the
aggressor. I have lived in this country and visited it dozens of times. I support Israel. First, because it is the Jewish
homeland after two thousand years of exile up to and including Auschwitz. Second because it is a democracy. And third because Israel is our first line of defense.

This tiny country is situated on the fault line of jihad, frustrating Islam's territorial advance. Israel is facing the front lines of jihad, like Kashmir, Kosovo, the Philippines, Southern Thailand, Darfur in Sudan, Lebanon, and Aceh in Indonesia. Israel is simply in the way. The same way West-Berlin was during the Cold War.

The war against Israel is not a war against Israel. It is a war
against the West. It is jihad. Israel is simply receiving the blows that are meant for all of us. If there would have been no Israel, Islamic imperialism would have found other venues to release its energy and its desire for conquest. Thanks to Israeli parents who send their children to the army and lay awake at night, parents in Europe and America can sleep well and dream, unaware of the dangers
looming.

Many in Europe argue in favor of abandoning Israel in order to address the grievances of our Muslim minorities. But if Israel were, God forbid, to go down, it would not bring any solace to the West. It would not mean our Muslim minorities would all of a sudden change their behavior,
and accept our values. On the contrary, the end of Israel would give enormous encouragement to the forces of Islam. They would, and rightly so, see the demise of Israel as proof that the West is weak, and doomed. The end of Israel would not mean the end of our problems with Islam, but only the beginning. It would mean the start of the final battle for world domination. If they can get Israel, they can get
everything. So-called journalists volunteer to label any and all critics of Islam as a 'right-wing extremists' or 'racists'. In my country, the Netherlands, 60 percent of the population now sees the mass immigration of Muslims as the number one policy mistake since World War II. And another 60 percent sees Islam as the biggest threat.

Yet there is a greater danger than terrorist attacks, the scenario of America as the last man standing. The lights may go out in Europe faster than you can imagine. An Islamic Europe means a Europe without freedom and democracy, an economic wasteland, an intellectual nightmare, and a loss of military might for America - as its allies will turn into enemies, enemies with atomic bombs. With an Islamic Europe, it would be up to America alone to preserve the heritage of Rome, Athens and Jerusalem.

Dear friends, Liberty is the most precious of gifts. My generation never had to fight for this freedom, it was offered to us on a silver platter, by people who fought for it with their lives. All throughout Europe, American cemeteries remind us of the young boys who never made it home, and whose memory we cherish. My generation does not own this freedom; we are merely its custodians. We can only hand over this hard won liberty to Europe's children in the same state in which it was offered to us. We cannot strike a deal with mullahs and imams. Future generations would never forgive us. We cannot squander our liberties. We simply do not have the right to do so.

We have to take the necessary action now to stop this Islamic stupidity from destroying the free world that we know. Please take the time to read and understand what is written here, please send it to every free person that you know.

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Carl Kozlowski An objective BBC profile of Wilders, will show that he is quite reasonable and respected: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-11443211

Netherlands Islam Freedom: Profile of Geert Wilders - BBC News

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